Silent Expressions

Rubbing his tired eyes and making all his effort to keep it moist Deep shifted his attention from the monitor and turned to the annual reports piled on his table. It was an important night for him just before the all important presentation scheduled the next morning, in fact, the same morning as he noticed the time was half past three in the morning. Stretching the muscles was of not much help as by now his tired body was not keeping pace with his thoughts and much worse his thoughts started keeping track of his tired body. He had a glance at the stack of reports and thought a coffee will be just fine to do the rest of the work before he could catch a quick nap of one or two hours which he thought will be just right for him to stay in good physical shape and wasting more time to sleep was a luxury and an unforgivable insult to his aspirations.

Driven by his aspirations and inspired by each stride towards his goal, Deep was fiercely motivated and was passionate about his job. In his profession of investment banking, a tough field to survive with the fierce competition and ever changing global equations, staying ahead was tougher than getting ahead. Still in his late twenties, Deep was already in the lucrative club of achievers and was fancying his chances of being in the board of decision makers in not so distant future. Well, achievement doesn’t come without any cost, and he was getting more grays than required for his age and his health deteriorating in the same frantic pace in which he was climbing up the ladder and what worse was he was turning a deaf ear to all this.

Turning towards the kitchen for preparing a coffee which will keep him awake for the rest of the work Deep was upset to see his Dad doing the same for him. He was sorry for him being the reason to wake his Dad in the wee hours of night. But as ever he was not able to appreciate this and what finally he ended up was quarrelling with his dad for staying awake till then, even if it was for him, as he was not advised to do so at his age. He went on arguing for some time until he knew he said something too much today which depressed his dad for sure. Deep thought that dad was getting unnecessarily concerned for him and yeah, Dad was concerned, and the concern was much different from the concern for an adolescent son with an indifferent career. He knew that Deep was crossing the tiny line of passion and obsession. He saw his son succumbing to the demanding job and transformation from a demanding young lad to this was too fast for the old man to digest.

Deep’s character had a sharp contrast in his professional and personal life. He was the nicest professional you’ll ever see but even then getting two words of appreciation was more difficult than getting the moth from the shells. His expectations were set high and more often than not he ever managed to reach the level which he set for himself. He was very easy going; had got many acquaintances but not many friends as he didn’t have the time for keeping up with them. He could well tell you the fundamentals and technicality of ten different companies in less than a minute but will take a much longer time to recollect the last time he had a long chat with his dad whom he stays with and was the person whom he adored most. Of late discussing the global cues and analysing the potential multi baggers was much easier than spending some nice time with the elderly man as the old man always kept reminding him “Fools make mistakes but the biggest mistakes are made by the smartest and wisest, for whom success lies in every stride of their walk, their thoughts start becoming too fast and they moves even faster to commit the worst that they could ever do”.

Things were not on a roll for Deep the next morning. He was disturbed by something which he couldn’t immediately trace back to and hence the mood was not upbeat which was in sharp contrast to days like this whenever there was a bigger business meeting. He had done all his homework and was quite convinced to get a positive decision for the biggest investment by his firm. He tried to ignore his disturbed conscious mind in vain, after having a quiet break fast with his dad and the old man was quieter than usual and for the first time Deep felt awkward about this. By now he realized why he is not at ease and wanted to apologize for his behaviour the last night but for some unknown reason he was not able to do so. The same reason has kept stopping him from thanking or appreciating his dad from his childhood. May be he felt the formalities are only for others and not for someone whom he considered very much like himself.

Rather unlike other days when he used to think of global cues for the day and profit fundamentals today his all thoughts were about his dad, a man who grew up from a humble background to a respected title in government service. Deep thought that his passion to investment can be well traced back to the day when his dad burned his hands in share market and then decided to stay away from there considering the future of his son who then was pursuing his studies. He remembered with affection that Dad never mentioned the sacrifice he made for him, as at his time he was considered a veteran and even Deep’s boss commented once that had his dad stayed on this field it would have been a tougher competition for his firm now worth a multi billion dollar. Deep had a smile over his moist eyes when he remembered the day when he offered his dad his pocket money, on the day when he lost most of his possession in the share market, he just embraced him then without a word and a with a sigh which meant a decision was made.

It didn’t take much time for Deep to realize that he is the centre of attraction in office and rightly so because of his role for the all important decision that could just define the future of his firm. By now he came back to his all esteemed self with all thoughts aside and focussed on the mission to deliver. He could see some glances which could translate into either envy or admiration. A few notches away was he, standing from glory, when his phone rang for the first time which he ignored. But when it rang thrice in less than two mins he thought the person at the other end might want to tell him something very important. Deep felt the soil under his feet sliding away when heard the news. His dad was hospitalized for a cardiac arrest. He was also informed that his condition is less critical now after being admitted to the hospital. Now it was biggest trauma of his life that Deep was in and he had to make the decision whether to be with his father whose condition is now improving or continue his pursuit to towering heights of success.

Deep recalled his Dad’s words this time, his thoughts were running too fast and in every direction. He knew he’s going to make the biggest mistake of his life and yet he went on. Rushing thru the hospital steps he anticipated to receive a call from office announcing termination of his service as he left the office without spelling a word to anyone. He was happy committing this mistake and thought of this being a sacrifice never crossed his mind. He saw the anxious face of the old man thru the window and couldn’t pronounce the expressions that went thru his face once he saw his dear son. A series of expression finally give way to a lasting smile on his face which Deep acknowledged. Turning back he saw the breaking news on the business channel on the other side of the foyer which left him dumbstruck for a couple of minutes. The share markets around the world crashed and the unexpected biggest loser was Deep’s priced catch, on which he was supposed to make the presentation now, eroding more than fifty percent of its value in single day.

I’m sorry Deep... we couldn’t... Stammered the doctor

Just then he got a call from his boss admiring him for the smartest move he’s ever made by refraining from the presentation making clear that he was not positive on going ahead with the investment which prevented the firm from going bankrupt. The phone went dead after welcoming Deep into the Board of directors of the firm.

With disbelief he turned towards his dad, who was still holding the lasting smile; his last smile.

All that he could say was I’m sorry…I’m really sorry dad…
The old man was still smiling.